You Might Be a Dressage Queen If…

What exactly is a Dressage Queen? While there are many opinions on what makes someone a Dressage Queen, it usually comes down to two things: fashion and attitude. For some, being labeled a Dressage Queen is an honor, for others it’s more of an insult.

It all depends on who you ask and the experiences they’ve had with Dressage Queens. Here are 15 things that many Dressage Queens have in common. Read on to see if you truly are a DQ!

1. You might be a Dressage Queen if you own your own Bedazzler.

Let’s be honest, dressage became a heck of a lot more fun with the acceptance of bling. What used to be a reserved and conservative sport has been transformed into an opportunity to make a fashion statement.

The brow bands were the first to go. Originally solid colors, the brow bands progressed from two-tone black and white leather, to brass clinchers, beads, and finally became what they are today – rhinestones galore. From there we got braver, experimenting with bedazzled saddle pads, hair nets, gloves, helmets, stirrup irons, and now saddles. Is it getting out of control? Absolutely not.

2. You might be a Dressage Queen if you only hire trainers with European accents.

You know what really sets an average trainer apart from a really great trainer? Their accent. No really, it’s a thing in the dressage world. You’re 85.4% more likely to get better results if your trainer/instructor has a European accent.

After all, the Europeans practically invented dressage – it’s in their blood. Any person with an accent will do, it doesn’t matter if they ride in draw reins or haven’t ridden in 30 years. If they have an accent they will be able to do dressage better than any ordinary American.

3. You might be a Dressage Queen if horse shopping requires a three week vacation to travel around Europe.

Facebook ads? Dreamhorse.com? A trip to Florida during the winter season? All child’s play when it comes to purchasing a dressage horse as a Dressage Queen. The only way to find an adequate horse is to book a 3-week-long, no expense spared, luxury trip to Europe.

However, always be sure to invest in a Rosetta Stone course or hire an interpreter. You’ll want to know when you’re getting made fun of or cheated. Or do you really? In any case, the harder it is to understand the seller, the more the horse is probably worth.

4. You might be a Dressage Queen if you recite your horse’s lineage like the begats of the Old Testament.

“Wow! I love your horse! What’s his breeding?” Friend, DO NOT ask that question of a known Dressage Queen unless you have some serious time on your hands. What was supposed to be a simple question will turn into at least a 45 minute lecture about not just the horse in front of you, but about every horse that made it possible for this horse to be here today.

Dressage Queens can’t wait to share this THRILLING information and could talk about bloodlines for literally hours. You’ll feel your eyes glazing over in less than a minute into the discussion, just shake it off and remember to blink.

5. You might be a Dressage Queen if you hired an orchestra to produce the music for your freestyle.

You’ve finally reached a level that you feel justifies a completely customized freestyle. You’ve spent years imagining that magical feeling of performing the freestyle of your dreams. Every time you hear a pretty song, you invision choreography that would fit it perfectly.

The time has finally come and you decide to hire a professional orchestra and freestyle designer to make you a freestyle masterpiece. You’d never dream of cutting and pasting three random tracks together. From the tempo to the fading, everything will be precisely edited to compliment your dancing partner.

6. You might be a Dressage Queen if you refer to your horse as your “dancing partner.”

Dressage is often described  as “ballet on horseback” or “horse dancing”. Every dressage rider strives for that ultimate connection and harmony with their horse. But the Dressage Queen really loves those ballet and dancing references. Her horse is more than a horse, it’s her dancing partner. In fact, a great way to catch a Dressage Queen’s attention when selling horses is to use catchy headlines like “Goregeous mover with FEI talent seeking a dancing partner.”

7. You might be a Dressage Queen if your main motivation to ride FEI is so you can wear your custom shadbelly.

Without a doubt, competing at the FEI levels and wearing a tailcoat is a right of passage for dressage riders. If you read that as Passage, as in the movement, then you definitely are a DQ. In fact, many dressage riders will purchase a shadbelly years beforehand as training motivation.

However, for Dressage Queens just getting to wear a shadbelly is the main goal. As is coordinating it with their horse’s fly bonnet – not to mention the color of the horse itself. Some Dressage Queens even have entire pinterest boards dedicated to shadbellies and all the ways they can be coordinated and customized.

8. You might be a Dressage Queen if you’ve never ridden in a group lesson.

Group lesson? Aren’t those for kids learning to ride, like those girls from The Saddle Club? Dressage riders like to stay in the box, a 20×60 meter box to be exact. There’s only so much room and you better believe that DQ’s will spend the extra money to have the arena to themselves for a hour.

If they do have to share the arena with anyone, they always make the arena rules very clear. Not passing left to left or walking on the main track will get you publicly shamed. It doesn’t matter if you called the diagonal first, if a Dressage Queen is remotely nearby, just yield and allow Her Highness to pass. It’s just easier for everyone that way.

9. You might be a Dressage Queen if you roll your tongue to make the “perrruuppp” noise to slow your horse down.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you’re not a true DQ yet. If you do, then you’ve either worked around Europeans or you’ve been around people trying to imitate Europeans. If you’ve never heard this weird noise before, it’s a strange sound people make by rolling their tongue to either calm or slow their horse down.

Its essentially the cool way to say “woah” or “easy”. If you can’t roll your tongue, you’re not completely out of luck. You can fake it and mimic the noise by trilling your lips. It’s not the authentic way, but it basically accomplishes the same thing.

10. You might be a Dressage Queen if every other conversation you have involves name dropping.  

It’s one thing to train with well known, impressive trainers. But Dressage Queens find a way to name drop people that they barely know. As in clinics they’ve attended – as an auditor. Or about authors of books they’ve read. It doesn’t matter if the trainer or person they are name dropping is super famous, just as long as the Dressage Queen can use that person to make themselves sound more classical.

11. You might be a Dressage Queen if you refer to your over-reactive horse as a sports car.

Dressage Queens love to use luxury sports cars to describe their horses. This reference tends to come out in a couple of instances: 1) When their horse is being super hot and overactive. “He’s not misbehaving, he’s just speedy and quick like a *insert random sports car make.” 2) When someone that’s not a dressage rider asks to sit on their horse. “I wish I could let you ride, but Royal Diamond has so many buttons and you just wouldn’t know how to push them.”

12. You might be a Dressage Queen if you often say, “I’m just a perfectionist.”

While some may accuse you of being a control freak, you know that you’re really just a perfectionist. Your idea of perfection is that everything goes your way. Every movement, every step and every stride is prepared and measured. All is in pursuit of that perfect “10”, which is really just a score for excellent as perfection is unattainable. But that doesn’t stop you from pursuing perfection anyway!

13. You might be a Dressage Queen if you mainly use the arena mirrors to snap insta pics of your #ROOTD.

The mirrors in dressage arenas aren’t just to check for areas to improve position and training techniques. They make it possible to get great selfies of your “riding outfit of the day.” Afterall,  what is the point of all that effort and time spent on matching everything if no one sees it? It’s simply the best way to snap a photo of you and your horse’s matching outfits.

14. You might be a Dressage Queen if your horse has more clothes than the average person.

Being matchy-matchy with your horse is the new phenomena sweeping the horse world, especially the dressage world. To keep up with this fad, you need a lot of outfits, at least one for every riding day. Not only does your shirt have to match the saddle pad, but you need to make sure that the polos match the fly bonnet as well. If you have brown boots make sure your horse has brown tack if possible.

15. You might be a Dressage Queen if your first answer to any problem is the “half-halt.”

After sitting in on a few dressage lessons, it wouldn’t take long to realize that the answer to most issues is to half-halt more. Half-halts are a great way to balance your horse and prepare for what’s coming next.

Dressage horses have a lot of buttons but even more half-halts. There is a half-halt for everything and a way to make a half-halt with anything. You can half-halt with your core, your bum, your lower back your upper back, your triceps, and even with your pinky finger. You can use one of these or combine them to make an even more super specific half-halt. The possibilities and combinations are endless!

X Halt, Salute

If you’ve ever wondered if you’re a dressage queen, hopefully these fifteen points helped answer that question! It’s not all about bling, but bling sure can be fun!

Dressage Queens or not, always enjoy your horses and this sport and never let anyone dull your sparkle! Have more to add to the “You Might Be a Dressage Queen If…” List? Leave a comment below!